i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
