when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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