You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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