Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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