i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
