my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
