To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
