Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
