I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
