Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
