he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
pop tarts are not kleenex
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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