Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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