So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
