Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
