I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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