I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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