You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
