please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
two words...techno handjob
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
