Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
