so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
