fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
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