omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
