I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
