I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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