a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
