The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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