I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
