Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
