i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
