franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i think my cat just said my name.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
