Everything about him screamed your future.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
