I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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