I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
