I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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