..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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