You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
