she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
