1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
