I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
