he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
