That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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