ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
