I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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