"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
