Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
