I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
