Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i believe in u and ur pee
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