I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
