I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bring money and cleavage
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
