I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
