There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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