SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
