All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
