When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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