normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
