the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
