I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i now understand why vodka
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
