Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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