Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She bit a glass in half.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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