I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
