Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
