I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we should paint friendship bongs
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