My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
