We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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