Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
