I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize