I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I stole a fireplace last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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