I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we're making bets on your personal life
Even my vagina gasped.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
