he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
