im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
