I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
