i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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