If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
