This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We need to rekindle our bromance
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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