Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
