Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
