Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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