You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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