i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
